things i hate today

1. travelling. i love to travel but sitting in a minivan for months with smelly dudes has lost its allure. basically my butt is sore from sitting on it. it does leave a person with a lot of free time but you cant do anything with it. theres no room, no personal space. once you've finished the books you brought, theres nothing but countryside to stare at. unfortunately, ive seen it 150 times. its green, its england.

2. spending money. england is beyond expensive. maybe i just dont notice how bad ny is because im actually earning at home. ive spent a fortune on this tour.

3. beer. i can barely get it down. i do, but i might be reaching my beer breaking point. i need a new drink. past few days ive been opting for the healthy alternative, diet coke. beer over here is usually warmer and flat. even the familiar brands. when you're living on bread and hummus, its not so easy to get down.

4. recharging things. wires everywhere! which leads me to number five...

5. "whats the wifi password?" these words have been uttered so many times in the past month. i thought skype would solve all my calling home issues. it has helped but finding the right circumstances on tour is like a rare planet alignment. first there has to be strong wifi (once there is wifi discovered, 25 people use it at the same time) and it has to be quiet, this never happens on tour. when i say quiet, i mean no background noise let alone no soundcheck etc. skype is difficult in that way. of course, the person you're calling also has to be avaiable right at that moment, even worse, in front of their computer for the free video version. also, you have to have suffient battery power (see number 4). what happens in the end is you just get frustrated and text and call straight through and have a $500 phone bill. im happy skype has worked a bit but i'm beginning to think that free wifi should be a right to all. i mean, lets start with affordable health care but after that...

6. im missing the manchester stop of dio's greatest hits tour by one day.

7. my current sore throat.

8. eating. i starve myself all day to avoid spending money at rest stops. this is always in hopes that upon arrival at the venue you might get some food. im am always appreciative of this type of hospitality but we are a group of 14 people, all doing the same thing. it goes quickly. some nights are better than others but i will say this is one of the creature comforts im having an issue giving up. it's just eating...no biggie. if my band were more popular, this wouldnt be an issue so i guess its my fault.

9. loading 10 minutes after playing. we are headlining for this tour and almost without exception we have to get out of the club within minutes of playing the last note. this is when i feel very old. luckily there are a lot of hands but honestly, i need a breather....

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mistake version...

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TTFA ....so far....

so i thought about this far too much. when your on tour, thats all you have is time to think. fuck knows you can't get anything else done. ive even thought about thinking....i was going to do a traditional tour diary but its way too boring. i wondered if i should just make stuff up, everyone does that. nah, then i thought i could write about my days off. thing is, i dont have enough except this week. the german part of my tour finished and ive ended up in edinburgh, scotland for 4 days. today being my last. ive done it all this week, ghost tours, the castle, whiskey museum, and of course, i found the local metal bar, bannermans, where i sit wriitng this. they have free wifi. ive been in this city 4 times previous and besides the tourists, i love it. its like being in a harry potter movie. during this short trip ive learned a little something about myself. im a bit socially awkward. i dont know whether i always have been or its something i never noticed because as a bandmember and bartender etc, im never without something to talk about. as a lonely tourist, im retarded. even alcohol doesnt help, in fact it makes it worse. of course ive tried to avoid the band conversation with most people. nothing gets stranger looks than "im in a band called gay for johnny depp". but its inevitable. i dont look like a backpacker or your general tourist so it always comes up. i wish i could take video of customs officers faces...amazing. they actually wrote "gay for johnny depp" on my passport. anyway, its something odd ive learned and i still have a month left. i hope im done with the introspection. its a ruff road.

edinburgh airport, 7:30 am. didnt sleep a wink last nite. lugged all my shit to the bus, had to pay extra for baggage...again. i know, stop complaining. im excited to see friends in london but its expensive as hell. days off in london are the demise of ones tour funds. basically, you cant leave the house if you dont want to spend money. unfortunately, when youre staying with friends, thats not possible and usually, they are more broke than you. the english are the most polite and generous people on earth. also the most repressed. admittedly so i think. ever notice how a brit cant get off the phone...its all "bye, bye, bye...". they never want to be the one to hang up. maybe thats why bully boy tv is so popular (gordan ramsey) or was. that shits like hanging with a german. they are blunt, whether they mean it or not.
stop the presses! ive seen three people drinking in the terminal area. its 8:30 am. even in my heyday, i dont think i could do this. i guess its ok as long as its not the pilots.

a week has passed. im on my way to the third gfjd show. so far so good. we're just starting to get it together. the other bands are great etc. enough about tour. i was doing some research in my boredom and wanted to share the results. just like there is comfort food, there is also comfort music. you know that thing you throw on when you cant figure out what to listen to. we are all into certains kinds of music aestetically, but what are you really listening to? what are the hard facts. well, luckily with itunes, you can find out. i have very eclectic tastes. im older and have pretty much been into everything with out going too far. i love extreme metal, older political punk bands, britpop, classic rock, etc... but what gets the most ticks on my ipod? U2 "the unforgettable fire", by a mile! its my go to album in times of doubt. 2nd place goes to lush "spooky", a much maligned record at the time of its release. hmm...next up.... the lost classic from 1972, roy harper "stormcock". from there it goes into obscure oasis and verve tracks and downtunes to "the apostasy" by behemoth and mercyful fates "dont break the oath" and i'll end with yes' "going for the one". who knew??? i dont think the word eclectic even fits how weird this list is.

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google maps, boston and cold communication

i've had so many great times in boston but they have all been negated by this one trip. i understand its an old city (so is nyc). just like london the urban planning (or lack there of) was done in the 1600-1700's. i get it. seriously. BUT, you have got to be kidding me! try getting around harvard sq. coming from the west. thing is on google maps brattle st doesnt appear on the direction list. this is def. a google issues, get on it, you're worth a billion and this is a big city! the streets just randomly change name and the amount of notice one gets from the signs is about negative 5 seconds. also, i swear that most of the street signs have been stolen. what the fuck? also, nice one having a big movie shoot on that silly looking new bridge (name?), same day as a red sox playoff game. who is running the show here, ashton kutcher and we've all been punked? oh yeah, not to mention that harvard sq is closes as well for a street market (the reason i was there). any boston, you're one of the most transient cities in the country, grt your shit together or just keep being jealous of nyc.

i have a weird phone aversion. its clinical. i hate talking on the phone. i use email and text, which to be honest has held me back a bit. i have an observation regarding such cold communication. people dont answer questions they dont want to. im guilty. i dont know, i guess the modern age is designed to avoid confrontation and completely misinterpret the simplelest things. i have more to write about this but my phones about to die

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greed is terrorism

the new gay for johnny depp album has a lyric (read:statement) that i had my engineers 10 year old nephew speak..."greed is terrorism". it'll be out on nov 30th in the UK...just saying. anyway, i thought that having a child say this would have far more impact than me. the rest of the "song" has spoken word of the ethics of the nyse and the patriot act simultaneously. doesn't really make a point if you can't understand it but so goes punk rock. now, the 13 people that read this know.

i saw the new michael moore movie tonight. on day 6 of sober october, i finally hit the point of going to a movie by myself. it's only the second time i've ever done this. i'm always very skeptical of moore's films as they always seem as filled with lefty propaganda as a fox news broadcast is with the views of the right. i won't get into my opinions of his past films, just his current. contrary to most of the reviews i've seen, i really feel this was his best. being a self proclaimed "social democrat", i found many of the points made in this movie to be spot on. moore is essentially calling for a revolution but not the military kind, this isn't the 18th century. he is calling for a new system, one that has learned from the mistakes of it's predecessors. democracy is essentially an experiment that is ever evolving but never forgets the basic rights established by our founding fathers.

i'm not an expert of any sort so i won't embarrass myself by trying to act like one. i will simply say that domestic terrorism is real and it's head quarters is just across river away from me. to paraphrase a part of the movie, in a free market system, you can strive for riches and may succeed or fail. thing is, it seems that by definition, in a free market system if you fail, you should fail. you don't get reimbursed for your gamble like wall street did. i understand that there was a risk of a meltdown, but the people responsible for all this should at least be held accountable, not become treasury secretaries and get bonuses. all these people should be in jail. i live very simply and after seeing this movie, i'm kind of glad i have. greed is terrorism.

did anyone else see the piece on "horrorcore" that appeared on ac360 last night? some disturbed kid killed an entire family. he is into "horrorcore". this is the genre made famous by the genius of the insane clown posse. i don't want to be judgemental...wait, yes i do. have you ever scene the juggalo fest video on youtube? search it. fucking amazing! hip hop invaded middle america white culture but the elements of hessian metal still lingered....enter a bunch of dude in clown make-up rapping about killing people. it's a video game set to a cave man drum beat. that's a no lose. i'm certainly not blaming icp or giving them any credit at all, but they are lapping this up i'm sure. the whole thing made me sad, but i watched it like a trained monkey, guess i'm no better.

stay rock

it might get loud in sober october

NYC is a drinkers town. i'd say only london really rivals it in sheer consumption and cultural acceptance. public transportation and cheap options (at least in brooklyn) make it an imbibers dream. recently, my late nights (mostly working behind the bar) and afternoon "mornings" have grown tiresome. a few friends of mine decided to use the convenient rhyme to their bodies advantage and take on a "sober october". with my impending tours and general need to improve my well being, i decided to join them. i'm 5 days in and i'm nearly manic with energy. i made a soup yesterday! what the fuck? i feel great. although, i'm weary of the future, bender rhymes with november....haha.

i saw the documentary "it might get loud" last night. the movie focuses on the careers of jimmy page, the edge and jack white. they get in a room and talk shop, play each others songs then edge and jack worship jimmy page. i could've watched this movie for 3 hours. i loved the jp interviews. his story is a history of rock n roll. edge is quickly becoming my favorite guitar player alive. his playing really reflects his personality, humble and earnest. jack white, was out of his league and it was really obvious that the film maker was a friend of his. i don't want to be overly negative but the guy even admits that the white stripes "got away with it." he admits that the image was a distraction from that fact they were just a blues rock band and a sloppy one at that. i appreciate that he admits all this and i also appreciate what the white stripes did for the indie scene. without them breaking through, things might be very different these days but it doesn't negate the obvious fact that as humble as he was, he should not be in a movie with legends. he's a lucky, lucky guy and his impact is felt, but in no way the way that zep or u2 will be forever. then i got to thinking, who else could they have gotten for the modern era? so many options were tossed around but they were either too obscure (graham coxon of blur) or too mentally insane (eddie van halen). i guess jack white worked.

got a few new records:

doomriders: fucking awesome! heavy sludge a la older baroness.

baroness - blue album : jury still out on this one. i'll get back to you.

megadeth- endgame: megadave seems like they are pulling a "death magnetic" and playing on the fans need for nostalgia. makes sense really. i only gave one good listen and besides some really hoaky lyrics, it's a good record. the guitar solos are amazing. thrash has been back in style for a few years now so why not have the masters play it again.

muse - the resistance: fuck everyone, i love the obvious queen rip off's and the symphony.

top ten. the new depression

since i can't seem to get my shit together and stop being a depressive bore, i'm going to use my current morose state and lack of concentration, i'm returning to my eclectic, a.d.d. friendly top 10's:

1. U2 at giants stadium: holy fuck. this was the most insane show i have ever seen. they were amazing and i have to admit, the edge stole the show. that is no small order, but sometimes the quiet guy onstage makes noise in other ways. he was perfect. muse was pretty amazing as well.

2. rorschach reunion show: it was actually two shows in one night. i loved this band when they were originally around and i thought this would definitely disappoint but, i was very wrong. pure power and violence (in a very smart way).

3. stryper live: yeah, i know the top 3 are about as weird as it gets but i'm old. i saw stryper at 12 when my born again cousin dragged me along to the felt forum (i think). they were awesome, many years later this ex-catholic turned staunch atheist returned to his guilt ridden days and rocked for jesus. they were fucking amazing!!! if i hadn't seen #1 and 2, this would be higher on this list. it was kind of hedonistic for scary jesus lovers.

4. "the end of faith" by sam harris: ahhh, back to normal. this book is a few years old but no less powerful in its commentary on modern religion. not as difficult as dawkins nor as snotty as hitchens, harris makes a great argument for the obvious archaic nature of organized religion. some of his strongest points are in #5.

5. the war in afghanistan: i'm very torn. the 3 authors (especially hitchens and harris) mentioned above openly claim that islam is a very dangerous religion. making strong arguments and direct quotes (numerous of them) that show the koran is a violent book that according to islamic law, was written by god and is therefore infallable where as the bible and talmud were both inspired by god but written by men. get it? yeah, infidels must die. scary shit. the thought of nut jobs like the iranian government (who care less about their people than their insane ideologies) having nuclear bombs scares the shit out of me. thing is i'm staunchly anti-war, especially this one in afghanistan. does our government ever read history books? i hope you do. we can't win but it seems like we have to. the whole area is a nightmare. i'm still trying to figure it out. not sure it's possible.

6. hating digital music: i've yet again lost a lot of my music. it's vinyl for me.

7. god fires man "life like" 180 gram vinyl european release: nuff said. 3 extra tracks, cd included. fuck yeah! europe here we come.

8. gay for johnny depp "manthology" : be afraid! Uk here we come.

9. top gear: i fell in love with this show a few years ago and my obsession has not stopped.

10. intervention and hoarders: these shows are designed to make me feel better about myself. thank god, i need it. unfortunately, i've learned a lot about myself from watching said shows. intervention, you've taught me that i drink a lot but i sure as hell ain't those people. hoarders, you're a different story. i've always been a collector of sorts, records, videos, magazines etc. as you get older you learn to part with things but i find the whole exercise incredibly stressful. today, i had one of those days of cleaning and whatnot. i threw out all my video tapes, a collection that i could have saved myself from had i foreseen youtube. also got rid of a lot of cd's, this nearly killed me. i kept going and taking different ones back for no reason at all. it just made me feel better.....oh my god, i'm a fucking hoarder. all the sudden i looked around my room at the piles of shit that i can't seperate from. shirts, mail, posters, wires, music gear the list goes on. when did this happen? i'm not sure but looking back it's always been there. having stuff is a band aid for depression i think. although i've never been diagnosed as i haven't had health insurance in years, i think i'm a prime candidate. at least i'm somewhat self aware. i think. oh well. we all have our issues.

intra venus de milo

i should never blog at 7am on my way home from work. that is why i waited till now to write this one, on my way back to work at 7pm.

there was a girl in the bar last night with one of the more tragic "bad idea" tattoo's i've ever seen. i'm gonna preface this by saying that i have some questionable ones, no doubt which is why i can explore the subject from a point of experience and maybe just a bit of wisdom. i love tattoos but the idea of them expressing some sort of individuality is a dead one. where i work all i see are sleeved dudes and chest pieced chicks (the hotest w'burg accessory!), vice versa and both. its a uniform designed to attract particular types of the opposite (or in many cases, same) sex. whether they know it or not, that is the inspiration, in my opinion. my issue is not the work but the age at which these folks are getting covered. in the same way that children shouldn't have children or the way we are expected to choose what we should be for the rest of our lives at 18, the permanance of a tattoo should not be the choice of a confused young adult. i'm speaking of visable tats. stuff that can be covered is fine.

which brings me back to this girl. she couldn't have been over 23. i looked at her arm at first in awe of the tribute to my favorite movie, spinal tap, then in horror that the mock cover of one of their records was permanantly on her arm. venus de milo with an intra venus (sp.?) connection, you get the visual? i got her drink and brought my co-workers over to show them. surely this is the attention she subconsciously wanted by getting this on her forearm til i ruined it by asking her why the fuck would you get that on your forearm. oh to be young. she responded with something about wanting to be a tattoo artist, which baffled me even further. she seemed nice and its no offense to her but it stuck in my mind as a perfect example of what i'm about to say.....

so here's my "grandpa" rant; i think there should be a law against tattoos below the elbow and on neck, hands etc til a person is 25.

if i ever have kids they are sure to hate me.

listening to:
capsule "blue"
tragedy "vengence"
blood ceremony

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finally, a new blog post

i haven't written a blog in ages and that is mostly to do with my depression. it's sad. i get in a funk and no matter what i write i just feel like it's a waste and i sound like a dick. i know it's lame but true. that is until today. i read a facebook post by an old friend, ed from taking back sunday. first he complained about how many shitty bands were out there and then he apologized for his band getting so big and spawning so many wannabe's that just kind of suck. granted he isn't wrong but we must always remember when we started out all we did was play the music of our idols. the difference being between then and now is that these days it's too easy to record and get released. back when i was a kid we were happy to maybe get a 7" out, if that. a demo tape sufficed. people like me always wanted more but for many, that was not the case. they were just happy to play stuff that sort sounded like the bands they loved. ed and i being a perfect example, luckily for us not that many people heard the mind over matter demo. but that is how you learn. thing is these days, your training time is in public. especially with the way most labels operate by signing very young bands who live at home and have parental support. thus enabling the label to have to spend as little as possible on the front end. smart business really. unfortunately for the musician and consequently the listening public, the quality of what they produce will not be up to snuff, but will be heard by ears that are not musically developed enough to understand a poorly written song or a trite lyric.

i remember taking back sunday from the very very beginning. to think back then that they would be where they are now...well that is impossible. thing is they got better, a lot better and the timing was perfect. not a lot of people get that opportunity. they not only got it but seized it!! when ever a scene gets big or goes more mainstream, you have to deal with the ton of bands that follow in its wake. happened with grunge but again this is a different time. the internet rules now and that is wholly a youth based culture (not unlike most "scenes"). so what you get is more crap than one can handle, at least to my ears. ed and i are the same age. we know better. we say things like "why do people like this?". thing is i'm not sure i will ever know, maybe ed has more insight. malcom gladwell wrote a book recently about the idea of mastering your skill. it's called "outliers: the story of success". he claims that in order for a person to master their craft, they need 10,000 hours of practice and experience. song writing fits right into that realm. sure you have your phenom's but for most, experience is a must. if you're thrown right onto the warped tour at 18, does that give time to develop or a warped sense of ego? most guys i know in their 30's who have stuck with it are better than ever but they will never get that label push (or a label at all) because it's a young man's game. the youth buys into youth. look at most of the pro songwriters, you know those people actually write top 40 stuff for kelly clarkson (she might be a bad example) or avril lavigne or ashlee simpson. all older, all pros who would never be excepted to be pop stars. smart move. nothing like a young, cute catalyst. my point? i really thought the internet would change the rules to everything being about a song and nothing to do with image or age. i was wrong. maybe it's jsut taking a while. to my friend ed, this is the way it's always been and maybe 20 years a go, burn were saying the same thing about us. luckily for us there was no internet and we were allowed to get better and test the waters locally and not on an international level. blame the labels, blame the internet, blame the watering down of what is excepted as talent. most of all, keep getting better.

so, the errortype11 reunion went off amazingly. it is a big mindfuck to play shows like that but i took it for what it was and gave the best show i could. this week has been a bit emotional but inspiring none the less. it was great to see everyone who came out. we wanted it to be a party and it was better than expected because of all of you!!!! now, start coming to see god fires man. it's better for all the reasons listed above.

arty

negative/positive

whats wrong with being negative? to me its just being honest. i know i bum people out. i always have. i've only survived at my job because i throw a great party..again, always have... maybe its my catholic upbringing, maybe i'm just a misrable cunt. i've always been attracted to negative music (metal). i've always written darker styles of music and even when i didn't it always had to have a negative twist (see "happiness is overrated"). i dont know. am i wrong? am i hard to be around? my grandfather was like this too. he was a bartender for 50 years and survived 4 heart attacks. i always looked up to him and his work ethic (which is an antiquated bullshit class system idiom) and abilty to be quiet, something i later realized was depression. maybe thats it? maybe its because people think i'm frowning its actually a tiny smile..how emo. i set the bar high at a young age. i realize that now in doing this et:11 reunion. thing is i dont feel like i've ever been young yet i've taken so long to mature. i guess i just need to fall in line like a good working class warrior....
i'm tired.
i feel like u need to do a blog on talk talks "spirit of eden" and "laughing stock". if you are an elbow fan, its a must listen.

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you look the same, you sound the same, you....

think that being different's acting just like you.....well...

so, yesterday i went to bamboozle.  it's a music fest in new jersey that leans towards the heavy/emo side.  no doubt headlined, supported by the used, rise against and my bro's, the reason i went, taking back sunday, who were amazing.  also, as an awesome surprise to me, VOD played.  sick!

  on the other smaller stages were a melange of musical outfits all doing their best to get attention from the 30,000 very young people who sat in the rain all day.  as i walked around i noticed something, it was impossible to avoid,  all the bands look and sound the same.   you know it, they play the fast verse with the screamy singer and then bust into chorus with the emo singer, then end with the mosh bit (which, whether they know or not, is just s rewrite of the end of sepultura's "roots bloody roots', which can't be outdone, so don't bother trying).  it got so pathetic,  i thought the same singer just kept running from stage to stage.  how are that many people born with the same timbre in their voices?  it's astounding.  

of  course, my song "your punk sucks" played on repeat in my head.  maybe it's always been like this since that song was written 5 years ago.  it's a shame.  i tried to be objective and not bitter old jealous guy.  it was hard.  none of these bands were better or more talented than mine or many other bands,  they just have the right booking agent or as i later found out, paid to play.  so many of these bands are young and are getting signed before they developed beyond just playing the music of their idols (which doesn't go beyond a 5 year scope), like so many start off doing.  this was more than obvious when the later bands went on and gave the other end of the spectrum. original and well developed.  what's my point?  i'm not sure.  just observation really.  

heaven and hell

I've been neglecting commenting on new music of late so I'm going to recommend some rock.
First I need to discuss my undying love for dio-era black sabbath, now called heaven and hell. It's probably totally lame to prefer it over ozzy, but at this point in my life, I do. They are releasing a new album on April 28th called "the devil you know". It's awesome! Dio is nearly 70 and sounds amazing. They went right for that classic sabbath production. No reinventing the wheel, just rocking the fuck outta some doomy metal! Enough said, get this somehow. It was easy to steal on the Internet if you can't afford it. Utitlize the google.

Another new record that's pretty awesome is my old faves superdrag's "industry giants". If you know the band already, you get exactly what is expected, solid pop/rock with an English flavor and a southern heart. Great band.

A big thank you to all who came out to see my bands this week. It was fun.

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the end

i started today with my landlord's son's  7:30 am cocaine party waking me from my 3 hours of slumber.  normally i let it go, but my roommate has been working long hours and i felt bad for him so after 30 minutes of ridiculous techno music i went outside with my crutches and did an old man hand wag coupled with a very disgusted look and put a stop to it.  after falling back to sleep, i woke up to my buddies adam and bgb bringing gifts of brewski and lunch to celebrate my pre surgery blues.  we drank till around 7:30 when adam left and george arrived.  the beer flowed like wine!  finally around 10, i got hungry and we took a cab a few blocks to toby's public house.  i love their antipasti and artichoke pizza.  george, my wife and i continued to indulge in the spirits when i got up to go to the bathroom.  when i returned i realized that my knee didn't seem to hurt as much.  everyone thought i was just drunk, which i was and still am, but i got up and walked.  straight leg and all!!!  i fucking walked!!!  the torn meniscus had released from my knee bones just the way the doctor said it might!!!  it took 6 days but i am healed.  on the eve of potential expensive surgery, it all fell into place.  holy shit.  it's still very uneasy but i can walk.  i'm in shock and feeling really lucky.  i still need surgery but not emergency style.  i'm afraid to go to sleep.  thank you to all who wished me well.  

that's it...

i'm losing my mind.  5 full days in the house.  i finally went to the corner to buy a 6 pack tonight and felt like i ran 5 miles when i got back.  thank god i had the sixer...it was miller time!!!  i've decided i will go to the hospital on tuesday to begin negotiating my mri and surgery.  i need another day.  my wife has to be sick of me by now.  although, i've been pretty upbeat till tonight when i realized i had written and recorded 3 songs, finished lyrics for the gfjd record, read a book and the sunday times, gotten 3 sessions of accupunture and generally been a stationary busy body, all i wanted to do was sit and watch some fucking 'law and order'.  there was plenty of episodes  to pick from but it turned out i saw them all!! shiiit!!!  so now i gotta focus on my impending bullshit debt, not to mention the actual surgery.  it's enough to make a man insane and it has.  so here i am at 2:45 am getting ready to watch "10000 b.c.".  why?  because it's free. 

watch this guy play guitar

this is beginning to suck...worse

my knee is not improving.  i'm on day 3 of acupuncture and the progress has slowed.  i think my biggest worry now is being plunged deep into debt by surgery with no insurance.  so, i researched the injury and surgery last night only to find no definite numbers except how long i would probably be out of work afterwards.  suffice to say, it's too long.   i've had various crazy ideas thrown my way like flying to england and getting it done there etc.  not going to happen.  my situation of no health insurance as a bartender/musician is ever so common in NYC and mine is a good example of how fucked the american healthcare system is.  for years, i have refused to participate in the system as is (as well as not being able to afford it).  i've had a check up once in 8 years and forget about the dentist, that went out the door when i left home.  thing is, if i had regular check ups, this might have been detected and prevented.  that is a big plus side to socialized medicine, preventative care.  in a country that is willing to go to preventative war, you'd think it could happen.  

 i had a funny conversation about medicaid with a medic friend of mine the other night.  after finding out i made $3000 too much last year to qualify, he proceeded to tell me about people he has to pick up for various bullshit like headaches or wanting to be taken from one hospital to another because they know that a cab will cost more than wasting tax payer money (not theirs) and valuable emergency resources on an ambulance.  with story after story i was aghast of the flawed medicaid system.  i can't get fixed to get back to work (and believe it or not, my work is a necessary evil)  but a woman who wants out of central booking and feigns illness only to be outed by the insertion of a catheter or the woman with 6 kids in a one bedroom with a headache who wastefully calls 911 soley because she knows she can and its easy, will be covered in full. basically the system works in favor of those who have more people in their household, so have more kids.  why not?  the system will take care of them.  it's frustrating.  i guess i will have more on this when i actually go to the hospital and start the process.  

one thing i did do yesterday besides write depeche mode-esque opuses, was finish my demo's of the gay for johnny depp.  this is always a somewhat arduous process for me because it is written and performed in (somewhat) character.  one of these songs was a bit of a revelation.  it was based on the idea that the "enemies of our country" want to destroy our way of life because they "hate our freedom" and what they see as western materialism and gluttony.  hmm, it dawned on me how ironic it is that it wasn't a foreign terrorist who has recently brought down the US, but a domestic one.  the greedy capitalist.  they did it in a way that the freedom haters could have only dreamed of, the near collapse of our banking system, amongst other things.  i'm definitely not an authority on any of this but it just seemed strange that for a split second, i thought of the various "businessmen" who's greed we have to blame for our current economic predicament as terrorists.  they certainly aren't "freedom fighters", it's all in the definition, right? 

i found this today, it's pretty amazing.  a mid seventies, 3 piece, all black, proto-punk group from detroit called death.  this never came up on my obscurity radar before and it could be because i was a fan of the very unrelated metal version of the moniker from florida and drag city just released their demo's from 1974.  this is great stuff!!!

acupuncture day 2

so, my knee has continued to get better but i still can't walk or for that matter, even straighten my leg.  i've opted for some intensive acupuncture as a possible remedy.  i figure the swelling could be relieved at the very least which would help the piece of torn meniscus to release itself from the clutches of my knee bones.  acupuncture is much less of the hocus pocus type treatment i thought it was. it's much more physical and immediate.  it is also painful, sometimes very much so.  maybe that means it's working.  all i know is that i'm going fucking insane.  this needs to get better, i have too much to do.  crossing my fingers for today's acupuncture session.

i read a great book yesterday called "ablutions".  it's a series of observations from the perspective of a bartender in a hollywood dive bar, something dear to my heart.  it made me want to write my story but i know i could never.  it seems disrespectful to write about people when you only really see the worst.  they come to blow off steam and look for companionship, not to be judged.  that's a very idealistic view, but one i try to uphold.  i love the way the book describes the evolution of "the regular".  it's pretty spot on.  read it, you won't be disappointed.  

i'm fucking bored

i'm bored and in pain, so what do i do in these situations?  normally sit in front of my pro tools rig and make insane electronica no one will ever hear but it's too painful on my knee to sit in my room.  instead i have been finishing the lyrics for the upcoming gay for johnny depp "ski mask orgy" record and checking out new music online.  a few days a go i wrote about the shitty side of  UK emo/pop  with you me at six.  well, the other side of the UK music scene that drives me insane is the endless fucking interpol/joy division influenced bands (the nme hype machine)  that never seem to end.  it was all the rage here in NY a few years ago, at least in my practice space.  we're way onto 2 piece bands now, which might be over as well.  i can't keep up.  anyway, i stumbled upon a record by west london's own white lies.  their debut record was number one in the uk the week it came out in january.  now, it's not a complete rip off, neither was interpol really but can't anyone over there do something remotely original, even the artwork is factory-esque, which i don't blame them for.  it's pretty timeless.  i thought i'd never say this,  but thank god for the fucking arctic monkey's!!  check it out for yourself.  it's not bad but been done before.  what hasn't right?  

another thing i never thought i'd say is i like the last bring me the horizon full length...

also please check out the new hopewell full length "good good desperation".  the song islands is an amazing mix  of hipster cool and good janes addiction, which was pretty hip when it was new...their guitar player also happens to be the one and only chelsea piers of gay for johnny depp.   

finally listen to trap them, sick crusty style hardcore/punk.  the real deal.  i hope they aren't canadian....

thank you truro

this knee injury has reminded me of the last instruction show. why? because that was when it started.  may 2005, in the town of truro, southwest england.  it was the end of our tour with A, although they weren't on the show.  it was hell is for heroes and a few others.  it was packed and we played great.  during the last song i jumped down to the barrier and was engaging the crowd with a rousing chorus of  "fuck you" when i felt my knee go out of place.  it was immediate, very painful but luckily in the last 30 seconds of the show.  i limped off stage and crouched in pain, then suddenly, it subsided.  i was sore but it wasn't that bad.  over the next 4 years, i have experienced this same feeling but it's always just a sharp pain and than shock.  yesterday when the doctor told me what was wrong, it dawned on me exactly when it happened.  of course that brought up so many other memories about that time, that day.  i kind of knew that we were done.  we lost our major label deal, there was serious internal strife caused by substance abuse and most of all i couldn't handle what had happened to our popularity in the UK.  i knew the moment was long lost and i couldn't deal with stepping down.  

geffen waited a year and a half to release our record in the UK.  after handing them all the hard work that the band and our team had done as an indie band, they stifled us by being the bullshit, half assed corporate entity they really are.  usually corporate means they make money, not the music industry.  not since the 90's.  that was only because of the format change to cd.  a format change has been happening again but this time they hesitated in 2000 with napster and apple figured out a way to make the money instead of the major labels.  now everyone is fucked.  this is an old story.  not worth repeating.  one thing i never really discussed was my situation when we signed to geffen. 

 i pretty much paid for everything (adam did as well) on my credit card (two members had no jobs), for which the bank was more than happy to continue raising my limit as the year went on.  in those 5 months, i ran up about 10's of thousands, probably 20k.  i believe we signed in early june when i had approximately $50 in the bank.  it was the one and only month i missed a credit card payment.  something i was very responsible about (but i only got myself out of debt last year).  it took a while for our advance to come through (which we basically had to live on for the next 2 years).  you see, it was a goal to get that deal as we felt our music would never be accepted as indie in the US (UK was different),  we were doing great on our own but i was flat broke.  i lost my job in march but continued to pay for things.  i believed in it and didn't care. and after months of this, i had to take the major label deal, i had no choice.  i wish i had gotten that sort of dedication and self belief from all my band mates when things got hard a year or so on.  yes, i did it for myself but i will never forget how quickly things went to shit once money got involved.  maybe it was because it wasn't that much money.  not enough to change anyone's lifestyle.  maybe it would've been worse with more money.  i'll never know.   i could go on forever. i'm not saying i didn't make mistakes. i made a lot, a business man i am not.  but i can never be faulted for not giving everything.   maybe someday i will continue this story.  i named this blog what i did for a reason, it's my way of trying to remond myself to move forward...and it was a mind over matter song off the '90 demo.  for now, i'm bed ridden and an injury i incurred while at war with the gods of rock might to cost me all my money and give me arthritis when i'm older.  the gift that keeps on giving. 

 thank you truro! good night!

my torn meniscus

so, i might need surgery for a torn meniscus.  i've apparently had this problem for years but it is now stuck between bones and causing a lot of pain.  there is a chance it will let go on it's own like it has in the past but if it doesn't, i will need surgery.  it's minor surgery but surgery none the less. when you don't have health insurance, surgery is a daunting option.  my doctor said i could probably get medicaid to pay for it, so i went online to look at what qualifies me and low and behold, i make too much money.  apparently you have to make $10,500 or less.  haha really?  who the fuck makes that little money in NYC?  from what i understand, this surgery could cost upwards of $15k.  so for the next two days i will sit in the tub, high on muscle relaxers and attempt the incredibly painful task of straightening my leg.  if i am successful, the piece of the meniscus will release and i will be back to normal within seconds.  fingers crossed.  this kind of sucks.  

what a mess

so, i'm laying on my couch with a bottle to piss in and the remote in my hand.  many of my friends would say "so what's new?".  well what's new is that i'm sober (as usual these days) and i totally fucked my knee up bowling!  yeah laugh.....well, i went bowling at a total ghetto joint by my house on sunday and i kept saying how the lanes were going to fuck mine or my wife's legs up (they were sticky and kept making us get stopped up and trip) and amazingly it took 2 frames at my league play to make it happen on tuesday.   i can't walk, therefore, i can't work.  i have no idea how bad it is because i don't have health insurance.  welcome to america.  socialism is bad?  fuck the republicans.  they can complain about european socialized medicine and the waiting list's etc...but i've actually been in european and uk hospitals and i've been taken care of immediately.  i contribute to society  and therefore i should be taken care of when needed and i mean absolutely needed.  i've been to an emergency room in america once in my adult life.  i've been to the doctor 3 times at best in that same time.  the dentist was 14 years ago.  it's sad.  or maybe liberating.  whatever, hopefully i'll be ok.  if not, i'm sure there will be many more entries.  this is karma for all the bad things i wrote earlier today.....

i was going to write about my love for metal and the new wolves in the throne room record, but i'm totally preoccupied.  suffice to say, i love metal!  in a totally adult way....

listen to: wolves in the thorne room "black cascade". not the first song but the second....first one is generic black metal.  after that it's second only to deathspell omega.....i'm done....it's late....endless dots......................

a goals a goal

What's the goal? I Keep asking myself that. Back on 1990 when mind over matter started, there was no goal. Make a demo. Play some shows. It all seemed very natural. The fact that we got a record deal was a total surprise. Then, nirvana hit. Everyone around us was getting major label deals. I even met with a few about m.o.m.! Totally ridiculous, but it changed everything. Suddenly there was a goal and an actual chance of living off of music. Over the years, that goal never changed. I never felt I wrote or played the type of music that could do well on an indie level. That was probably a little misguided. I got my first taste of the major label world with walter from quicksand and I's Ill fated group, worlds fastest car. Errortype went their entire career looking for the elusive big record deal, even signing a terrible publishing deal with emi that I'm (me and only me) still bound to even though they don't know I exist. When instruction got signed to geffen I thought that I was finally on the road. Someone let me in the club and I was never leaving...haha. This isn't about my major label days, Its more about why I (we) still play. The majors are over, the playing field has been leveled. There are no advances to live off, no tours getting paid for etc. For a guy with my history, it is realy hard to see a goal. Later this year we will tour in Europe, possibly a few times...why? Yes, I love to play but just a few years ago, the monetary, work and time sacrifices had a purpose or so we thought. Someday, we would be back to doing it for a living. Now, it's just a back breaking vacation. I guess any excuse to travel is a good one. I've been doing it for years. The problem really is that I've done nothing else. No career, no back up plan. Now I'm a bartender. Makes sense. I still write like a man inspired. That will never leave me, but what about my future? What is the goal? Depressing huh? There are so many of us here in NYC. Mostly bartenders. I call it the land of broken toys. I love the idea of being able to put out your own records letting the public, not a hype machine, decide what they want to listen to. That's the ideal. It's not quite there yet. there are people out there who want to hear the records I make but I don't think the possiblity of making a living is there anymore. I'm still going to do it because I have no choice and I feel that my bands records just keep getting better. I guess my timing is what really sucks.

Enough depressing shit and onto my mid-thirties crisis. I've been getting into all my old thrash records again. From flotsam and jetsam, atrophy, devastation, holy terror, to Mekong delta, toxik and forbidden. I love it! In the late 80's, this was my favorite genre. Is this healthy? I looked back on my musical tastes over the years and I've pretty much done it all and now it's gone full circle. I'm back in high school. Maybe this is just a way to deal with the pressures of real life. Escapism at it's best. I don't know.

Speaking of reverting back, errortype 11 is reuniting for one show at mercury lounge on august 8th. Should be fun. It's gonna have all sorts of surprises.
It was not my idea. Reunions are not my thing but phil. And especially Adam want to so I agreed. Thing is I don't drink before I play anymore. That was such a huge part of the show. I guess I can have a few...haha.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

the fall out from fall out boy

i know this has nothing to do with anything to do with the dark, long nights behind the bar or the semi-drunken dirty rock that represents my current lifestyle but i was aghast when i discovered the most inane, out of date, trite band i have ever had the displeasure to hear in....well it hasn't been that long.  they are called you me at six.  i was initially interested because they are from surrey, a surrogate home for me in the UK from a few years back.  being from long island, i understand surrey bands, you either get greatness spawned from the basements and garages of suburbia (and quickly move to london) or you get total and utter generic crap.  there's no in between.  i think my shock came from the fact that epitaph would sign this.  i know why, their manager is the guy who brought the world bullet for me valentine, gallows and bring me the horizon to name a few, but that is no excuse.  it's just old fall out boy with no personality.  picture that!! 

 i know, this is so out of my realm i shouldn't care but if this represents any music scene in the UK, it makes me sad.  get out of the ice age.  maybe shitty american bands need to be officially banned from great britain.  except in scotland where they always seem to do something interesting when turning their influences back  on the world.    

the other night i was watching a local show called new york noise.  it's always good to upset me with some hipster bullshit like animal collective or something but i saw two videos that astounded me.  the first was by a two piece (how original) called no age.  it wasn't so much as it sounding like a sonic youth b-side i.e. waste of precious time, but the fact that sub pop put it out.  their bio says things like "pop songs done as performance art" or "experimentation", you know that means?  you might write ok songs but you make them sound like shit so pitchfork will like you.   i'm sorry.  it's crap and they will probably stop playing music, like so many others, when they get into grad school. 

 another band i saw was titus andronicus,  whose song was such an awful rip off of the clashes "white riot" (check out the "titus andronicus" chord progression).   they were listed as being on xl recordings.  whaaaaat?  i'm so over it.  indie labels are trying to stay a float?  well, not hard enough.   i'm all for bands struggling with just being a band these days.  i support anyone but please just write a fucking decent song.  just don't put some old crap together, record it lo-fi to make it cool.  i'd say i'm sorry for being a jealous, shitty, typical NY musician but no one read this blog so who cares.  

 i hate capital letters.  

i really don't care.  i need to get in the shower and get to bowling....

hyper-connected?

do any of us really need to be hyper-connected?  twitter thinks we do.  i'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between twitter and facebook "updates".  i did the update thing for a while and still realize the importance of it for promoting shows but for everything else it is utterly ridiculous.  everyone is just up in each others shit.  no one needs to divulge so much information.  i enjoy getting in contact with people from my past and seeing that they are doing ok.  that's all really cool but i don't need to know everything their kid does or worse yet what they are eating for dinner etc.  it's just self absorbed bullshit.  then again, so is blogging.    

 i got the new U2 tonight around 11pm.  it's great.  a real return to form.  the itunes deluxe edition extras are great as well.  an hour long movie?  sweet.  

i'm getting excited about the new god fires man record.  we have been working on the layout, which always makes it more of a reality.  this one's coming out on vinyl.  i haven't had a  vinyl release since the mid-90's.   i just can't wait to get back over to europe.  it's been too long.  

alright, i should at least attempt to go to sleep.  i have to go to the dmv tomorrow to take my former van off the road so i can cancel the insurance.  what a pain.  

fieldy autobiography

ummm, so fieldy, the bass player from korn wrote an autobiography.  no, i'm not kidding.  i read about it on the internet, it must be true.  it's titled something about addiction and faith etc... 

regardless, i felt as if i should share some stories you won't read in this sure to be masterpiece about mr. fieldy.  or maybe you will.  or maybe you would never read this book ever in a million years.  i'm sure its the latter.  regardless, i thought it would be fun.  

my last band, instruction, spent some time on the road with korn.  generally it was a great experience.  we were treated very well.  we ate, we drank and we kicked major ass as much as we could playing for a rather hostile crowd in arena's with no light show and traveling 12-16 hours a day in the van.  backstage was always interesting.  i want to state for the record, jonathan and munki were very nice and accommodating.  we really didn't interact with the rest of the band, except fieldy.  well, sort of.  when we were on project revolution a few months earlier, we heard a great story from one of the members of the used about their evening on fieldy's bus. apparently he had korn live playing on each of his plasma screen tv's and his very own solo record playing over the stereo....hmmmm.  i tried to imagine myself doing such a thing but couldn't fathom it.  i wouldn't even do it in private.  maybe he really likes what he does?  maybe i should envy him? 

fast forward a few months and here we are out with korn again.  as i remember this story, i was walking backstage in one of the many hockey arena's we played and fieldy was walking towards me.  as i approached, he turned, faced the wall and waited till i walked by before continuing down the hall.  now, if we hadn't witnessed other peripheral acts of douchiness, i would've written this off as hazing the opening bands but i doubt very highly he had a clue who the opening bands were, let alone knowing them by sight individually.  this one stuck in my mind, as he did it to other members of our crew.  i get being rockstar.  i get it.  he is rich, famous and way more successful than i could ever imagine being but this was just weird.  this is why i would actually go out and read that autobiography.  maybe he'll talk about how he developed his revolutionary bass sound.  :)

listen to phil collins "hello, i must be going" and "face value".  get over it!!  they are great records!  

the right wing and u2

So, this is my first blog from my iPhone so it might be a disaster.

I finally heard the U2 album and I'm in total agreement with the reviews I have read. It's amazing, I haven't gotten into the lyrics yet as they took it off myspace after a day but musically I'm impressed. I'm kind of a big fan. Not of the last few records, those just seemed to be aimed at their aging fanbase as opposed to being timeless. With the exception of a few good singles, I was unimpressed and it felt like Bono wasn't trying anymore with his lyrics (except that song about his dad "sometimes you can't make it on your own"?). To their credit, they are old and don't have to write culturally significant records anymore, but the thing is, they are still trying to and I'm all for it. To me "Joshua tree" sets the bar for evoking emotions from a hugely popular record. Name a record since that has been that huge and that important at the same time. Dont say radiohead, they dont sell U2 numbers. Sure every record we love effects us but how many are huge pop successes. Very few. I was a metal head when that record came out and I couldn't deny it, no one could. It's timeless. My point? I like the new U2, it seems like a special and much needed record.

I saw a preview of the new alexandra pelosi hbo doc called "right wing:feeling wronged", i think. It's about the people who voted for McCain and how they felt and still feel. When I was touring America for years on end I ran into a lot of these type of people, bible thumping, amercia loving bushey's who think the left would like to see America taken over by terrorists, (even though we here in NYC are the only ones who have dealt with the foreign terrorists). These people are America. Not NYC, not LA. I except their difference in opinion as just that. Geography in America plays a huge part in ones views. Thing is, they never accepted my opinion. I was pretty much shit to these people (mostly because of my rational religious views). That always bothered me. Enter this documentary. Again, I've only seen a preview and the first 10 minutes on YouTube, but WTF? Obama is a Muslim? A terrorist? He said so??Really? In this day and age? They have the Internet at truck stops! What gives? They only check the white power sites? Can NYC just seceed from the union because this is so sad. I'm gonna withhold further judgement until I see the whole thing on weds.

Till then listen to Torche's "meanderthal". It's amazing.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

i slept all evening...

now i won't get to bed till 5am so guess what i'm doing?  you guessed it, watching "law and order :criminal intent".  it's my favorite one with vincent d'onofrio (sp?).   i'm only writing this blog to try to ignore it.  i slept through the oscars.  i hate those shows, especially during such a difficult time for the country.  watching these people kiss each others asses is sickening. i'm glad "slumdog" won, it's a great film. i will say, the parts i did catch seemed better than the grammy's which were awful, minus radiohead who were amazing.  

on a much more exciting note, the new morrissey album "years of refusal" is pretty awesome.  it's still a morrissey record, over the top, melancholy and sometimes silly, but it's also very rocking.  i'm impressed.  i recently heard the new U2 is a winner as well.  i couldn't find the leak online but enough people got it to get some feedback and it's all good.  not that i was holding my breath for it.  i really don't care but they are usually good for a great single or two.  i feel the same way about them that i do coldplay, if it's going to be all over the place, i'd rather it be them over much of the silliness the major's try to sell these days.  especially the awful, autotune computer voice hip hop  (read: lil wayne).  

i thought i had something more exciting to write about but i guess not.  i'm in a good mood which is terrible for my ranting.  

so sad pt.2

i haven't done a blog since the instruction days, during which i described the process of being courted, touring on your own dollar, a lot and general fun things that go on in the topsy turvy world of rock-n-roll. in the past 2 years i was utterly uninspired to write anything as i felt as if i had nothing to write about. it's been a time of broken promises and false hope. music is all that matters to me. the business stuff is such a fucking chore. i do it, in fact, i'm pretty good at it, when i was allowed. the difficult thing is when you make your art and give it away to another power that be, you are at the mercy of that entity. when you fail because of others inability to do their job correctly, it is truly heartbreaking. i have been in an alcoholic depression for years but in the last two, it has escalated. fueled by the fact that i can drink at my job and make money. it's a cycle that will kill you. i'm sick of it. not to say that i'm giving up the drink, i like my lager. i am saying that being depressed is fucking boring. i work too hard. god fires man, my current band has decided to take things into their own hand. it's scary and like most bands these days, will not make a dime. but over are the days of the management not being able to do anything because the label doesn't have money and the booking agent not being able to do anything because, generally speaking they don't do anything, the management can't deliver a tour etc.. etc.. the booking agent situation is really a mind fuck. when we parted ways with our agent, we were told we weren't making any money for the agency. in reality, they had booked 2 shows in the 8 months or so they worked with us. 2! really? give me a fucking break. they wait around for the management to get a tour and then basically send a few emails out and collect 10%. you see as a general rule, the music industry is not about work, it's about the perks. i'm not even going to get into this. it's too frustrating. god fires man recently recorded our new album, "life like", on our own dollar. why? well, because we foresaw us not getting a deal anytime soon (our first record took nearly 2 years to record and release) and we needed to. we are artists and need to produce art. we were voted one of the top 10 new rock bands on the itunes music store a month ago! and we can't get a deal. even funnier is the tale of gay for johnny depp, my other band. great name, i know. it's a fucking gold mine. our last tour in the uk (the only country our records are currently available in cd form) we played a lot of packed to sold out shows. in london, we did 300 and could've done more judging from the line outside. we no longer have a label. we record our own records and finance our own tours. we sell lots and lots of merch. in the past year, we haven't been able to get a secure deal. what do we have to do? are things really that bad?? yes they are and that is why the whole world NEEDS to hear gay for johnny depp!! it's recession made. we don't have trust funds. we don't have anything! except to hand a new label a band with a $100,000 press kit. IDIOTS! i might sound like it's all just sour milk but it's not. i'm genuinely baffled. ok, i'm done for today.