What's the goal? I Keep asking myself that. Back on 1990 when mind over matter started, there was no goal. Make a demo. Play some shows. It all seemed very natural. The fact that we got a record deal was a total surprise. Then, nirvana hit. Everyone around us was getting major label deals. I even met with a few about m.o.m.! Totally ridiculous, but it changed everything. Suddenly there was a goal and an actual chance of living off of music. Over the years, that goal never changed. I never felt I wrote or played the type of music that could do well on an indie level. That was probably a little misguided. I got my first taste of the major label world with walter from quicksand and I's Ill fated group, worlds fastest car. Errortype went their entire career looking for the elusive big record deal, even signing a terrible publishing deal with emi that I'm (me and only me) still bound to even though they don't know I exist. When instruction got signed to geffen I thought that I was finally on the road. Someone let me in the club and I was never leaving...haha. This isn't about my major label days, Its more about why I (we) still play. The majors are over, the playing field has been leveled. There are no advances to live off, no tours getting paid for etc. For a guy with my history, it is realy hard to see a goal. Later this year we will tour in Europe, possibly a few times...why? Yes, I love to play but just a few years ago, the monetary, work and time sacrifices had a purpose or so we thought. Someday, we would be back to doing it for a living. Now, it's just a back breaking vacation. I guess any excuse to travel is a good one. I've been doing it for years. The problem really is that I've done nothing else. No career, no back up plan. Now I'm a bartender. Makes sense. I still write like a man inspired. That will never leave me, but what about my future? What is the goal? Depressing huh? There are so many of us here in NYC. Mostly bartenders. I call it the land of broken toys. I love the idea of being able to put out your own records letting the public, not a hype machine, decide what they want to listen to. That's the ideal. It's not quite there yet. there are people out there who want to hear the records I make but I don't think the possiblity of making a living is there anymore. I'm still going to do it because I have no choice and I feel that my bands records just keep getting better. I guess my timing is what really sucks.
Enough depressing shit and onto my mid-thirties crisis. I've been getting into all my old thrash records again. From flotsam and jetsam, atrophy, devastation, holy terror, to Mekong delta, toxik and forbidden. I love it! In the late 80's, this was my favorite genre. Is this healthy? I looked back on my musical tastes over the years and I've pretty much done it all and now it's gone full circle. I'm back in high school. Maybe this is just a way to deal with the pressures of real life. Escapism at it's best. I don't know.
Speaking of reverting back, errortype 11 is reuniting for one show at mercury lounge on august 8th. Should be fun. It's gonna have all sorts of surprises.
It was not my idea. Reunions are not my thing but phil. And especially Adam want to so I agreed. Thing is I don't drink before I play anymore. That was such a huge part of the show. I guess I can have a few...haha.
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